ANGRY SCOTTISH GASBAG

I missed my calling in this life. I think Craig Ferguson walked away with it. It's very possible noone knows anything about me. I am secretive. I let out big whoppers sometimes, but more often then not folks have no idea what I just said. Because its usually some metaphore that describes an event or recollection that they were not a witness to. I speak what I need to and move on. If I finally had a good shIT, I'd say, "well, it was a T-dius job and it was gruelling, but I landed it perfectly." They look confused because I have sucessfully confused them. They think I have good work ethics when in fact, I'm just regular. So no one really sees me as a comic and that's fantastic. Because a comic should never come on like they are trying to make you laugh. It's so not funny. I got this joke, listen to this joke for ya...because Laughter is a very personal matter. Only you can find something funny. No, seriously, think about it. it's your mind that decides, hey, I think this is kinda funny...wait a minute...holy shit ...that's hilarious. Suddenly you are busting and you can't stop, even if you wanted to, it's like sex, once you've gone a certain distance, there is no turning back, your laughing... AAAAAAhhhhhhhhh, ah ha ha ha ahhhh hhahahhahahhhahahh.,.blah blahhhhhhhhh.....aaaaahfhhhhhhhhh. So, I am finding out in my later years that my body likes to trap things, like gas and wax....I know it's very gross and I wish I didn't have to talk about it. I know you don't want to talk about it or hear about it. But tough... That's what it's like. I'm standing there, riding the subway and damn, some silent bomb goes off and I move away like, "Damn Dude", blaming it on whoever's there. I'm like walking as fast as I can to get away from myself, but...you know...I'm a girl, I trip on my own ankles...(fall down), get hit with a wave of my own foul emmissions and hit the deck.

Monkey Wrench Ep3 - Us & Them

those Damn Ambitions~!

Letter to A Friend

tO BE TOTALLY HONEST...this inFURIATes me...they hVE NO PROOF that you hVE ny cancers, theyyu arwe just btryiung to keep you in as a patient willing to be tested....I do n't like it I don't like it at all how theyu are obviously trying to terrorize you back into their revenue needs... Now I know you are probably not a fan of prayer, but have you ever tried it? AND i'M NOT SAYIUNG ASK FOR MIRACLES, CURRENTLY WE DON';T EVEN KNOIW IF THATS NECCESSARY... TALK TO THE INNER YOU, THE SUPER BEING INSIDE YOU THAT SPEAKS TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE WALKING AND LISTENING... BE PATIENT LISTEN TO YOUR BODY GIVE IT WHAT IT CRAVES, SMELL, TASTE, TOUCH, HEAR AND SEE...ANSWERS ARE EVERYWHERE WHEN YOU LOOK WITH A SUPER INTENT HEART sorry ...I just had to say that that is what I know can be done don't doubt yourself your are a beautiful child of God...

WELCOME HOME JULIAN!!!

Julian Assange has finally been released. Bout Bloody Time. Watch youtube video of family press conference.

Look Closely At Your TV Lineup

Do you notice anything special about it? Like, "weren't you just thinking about that subject?" That's funny, I don't remember mentioning it to anyone, writing it down or looking for it. How did Alexa know, what I've been thinking?

EL CORRECAMINOS Y WILE E. COYOTE - ROAD RUNNERS

Es soy esta mucho la vida mio

Tomorrow is Another...What?

Not sure how many times there was oral regergatation during or after a meal I have prepared but speaking of spewing, I do recall the time I tried to add alphalpha sprouts to the family pancakes and what laughter I produced then. then there was the time with my first husband and the shroom and peanutbutter sandwhiches washed down with grape juice. This became inspiring artwork on the bathroom wall when it ignited my gastritis and I threw it all up before diving into a puddle of puppies TO PREVENT HAVING WHAT i THOUGHT FELT LIKE IT MIGHT BE A HEART ATTACK. No, I later went to bed with my husband and he held me down all night while I kicked, screamed and farted, in that order, repeTEADLY, ALL NIGHT LONG. tHEN THERE WAS THE INFAMOUS homemade granola bars I attempted to make for my friends when they came over. The minute they reached our bellies, there were four people trying to crap or throw up in our tiny little bathroom. College, eat your heart out. I nearly killed us all with a recipe of nothing but sweeteners, syrups and sugars with a little oatmeal tossed in.